It was said by Shirley Ardener that "the meanings of women are blocked at many levels." Women then must change their meanings to fit the male "public discourse." With that many meanings are lost because of the change over. Instead of being able to say what women want, they must change it so that the male can understand it in his own discourse. If women do not change their meanings for the males, they are said to be emotional or irrational.
In many mixed-sex conversations men may try to block the women's meanings and enforce the muted state. If women do not translate their meanings for men, they have little chance of being heard properly. Men will do many things to try and keep the women muted. They can interrupt her or even talk more amongst themselves and not give her their full attention. If men are questioned about their actions, they say that they do not mean to, but yet get defense because their authority is being brought in the open.
Women are expected to live under the reality of the dominant group. With that they are basically supposed to "be seen, but not heard." For men, their reality is the only reality. Where for women, they may have their own reality but in the end the "man's " reality is the only one. Under the man's reality woman are expected to know it and live under it. If men were to recognize more than one reality their "dominance" is shaken. Women often try to "hide" the other reality from men so they do not see the faults in the "male's" reality. Why? If men accept the other reality then their dominance is weakened. Great lengths are taken by women to hide the truths from men. An example given by Spender was how one woman got up after her husband went to sleep to put in hair rollers only to wake up before him to take them out. She did this all because he liked curly hair and thought it was feminine. In order to be equal amongst both genders we must do away with dominant/muted groups. Neither gender is better off with one being dominant and the other as being muted. The dominant group misses out on many things because they only see their reality.
Women have to change their language all for the fact so that it is understood by males more readily. If women are expected to know men's reality and language, then men should do the same in return. Men often complain that if women speak up to them or challenge them, then they are not getting the respect they deserve. The man's issue is only one-sided because he has no problem challenging a female without disrespecting her. To a man, he may not have any problem with public speaking and with the role as leader but many women do. Where along the line did women learn to submit themselves and to be controlled? I think that it happened when men were the "bread winners" or the "one" to keep the family together. But with today's society women should be equally taking the "reigns," but they are not. Women need to grab the chance that they are receiving in today's society. No longer do men make the most money or raise the family but some of the duties are falling into the hands of women. Women can get better jobs and raise themselves up.
I agree with Shirley Ardener's study on how men "block" the meanings of women. Women are taught to monitor themselves in a manner where the male's know best and to change to that style. When women try to introduce new meanings they are not accepted or encouraged. Some women may not be aware of their muted stage and when brought to their attention they often will try to change it. An example of how society reacts to females through the growing stages is how "little girls" are taught to be "lady-like", but yet when they mature they are told to speak-up. "Lady-like" for women is supposed to be quiet or not to be taken seriously so what are we teaching our children. They are basically "damned if they do, damned if they don't." So are females to be "lady-like are not? I think we need to change the definition of "lady-like" so girls still can be taught and yet be respected all in the same.
In a discussion between a man and a woman, the man will try to control her by his interruptions or strong opinions. This is his defense mechanism to feel that he is still in control. Why is so hard for men to realize that all women want is the equal chance to be heard and respected? I think we need as a society to go back and analyze our double-sided child-rearing. Little boys are taught differently then girls. If we change the way we raise them then maybe as adults we can start to be more equal.
With the help of consciousness-raising groups (CR) women are being taught to speak up for themselves. The group is there to show females that they are not alone and with practice they can speak-up in a male dominated group. With the CR groups women are learning to tear down their muted stages and to be heard. CR groups help women to know the different realities and make them understand that they are better off then the men who do not see the other realities.
It is said that, "men do not know what a women wants. But it is harder still for him to listen and to accept her thoughts because it will shake their foundation of their beliefs." If they listen and choose to accept what a woman says, then they really are no longer as controlling or as dominant. Men, especially now days, are having to defend their reality and beliefs. No longer do women want to take the back seat to everything and are expressing this. In order for men to maintain their dominance and stay superior then they must never be seen as "wrong." If they are "wrong" they lose some of their control and have a hard time getting it back, if at all. When women raise questions, the questions are often seen as small or as petty. Their suggestions are not taken seriously, do to the fact that it came from a woman.
In a man made society certain definitions have been described as male and as female. The male's definitions all revolve around being strong and for female's they all have to do with being weak. If we can change the definitions in our society to being of equal terms then men and women can be fifty-fifty. Without it, we will never be united and always have a dominant/muted society.
© Teresa Kingsley, Winona (MN) State University, 30 January 1997. This document may be freely distributed for educational use as long as this notice of its authorship accompanies its distribution.
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