by Amy Sprague
Dale Spender, in the book Man Made Language, dedicates a chapter to "Women Talk: The Legitimate Fear." In order to support this argument Spender refers to social order, intimidation, and listening. By using these arguments Spender is able to give examples of ways in which men have tried to discourage women from talking to alleviate their own fears.
The first argument discusses social order. In the past, men have always been known as the dominant gender, therefore, men feel they must be in control of the environment around them. That control does not exist for men when females talk with one another, because it creates anxiety within men, and threatens their control over women and language.
Another argument to support Spender's contention is intimidation. Since men fear women's talk, men use intimidation. Intimidation can be done by curbing the place of discussion. Men are allowed to gather at public places to hold discussions and talk with other males. However, women have been isolated from the social setting. When women do join together in groups like CR (conscience-raising), the men become very upset, and try to break up the meetings. The male's supremacy is at stake, because when women bond they discuss the injustices done to them. Men realize this and try to break off groups such as CR or intimidate women to stop meeting so that their own patriarchal order is not tarnished.
Intimidation is also done by discrediting the female's words. Kramer (1977), argues that there is no term for male talk. However, when referring to women talk there are many derogatory terms such as; chatter, pratter, nag, bitch, whine, or gossip. This is just another way that man use intimidation so women do not talk.
Finally, Spender argues that males fear women talk because of listening. It is not surprising that a major part of language and communication is listening, and that women are more skilled then males with this technique. Research shows that since women are better listeners they should be the model for language, not men. Due to this research men feel that their patriarchal order is at stake, and that is why men fear women talk.
Spender, concludes her argument by stressing how men fear women
and their talk. This article is supported with evidence which
supports how men battle their fear of women talk.
by Teresa Kingsley
In a man-see-man-do society women will always have to fight for themselves. For the way men dominate in the world, they really are just scared of not being in control. Men feel that they will have to stay two steps ahead or they tighten their control. Spender was right about men and just how insecure they really are. For women to be "equal", as a society we will have to change. Somewhere along the line of growing up, females are taught to submit themselves to the ways of men and their world. Even if that means the right solution never being reached. I think Spender put it right saying that men have no equal terms to which their talk is categorized like women. For a man to see a couple of females talking, he assumes it is about himself and that they are undermining him and his gender. Some men will go as far as interrupting the women and even trying to change the topic. When men say women are nagging--or such--it is usually in a negative attitude, but what do we say about men? Nothing negative, usually we say they are "bullshitting" or even say, "they are just being men," which of course is O.K.
Now days, women are being seen more often in public and finding places where they can talk. No longer do females have to sneak over to a friends or neighbors house to release some of their anger. Men say that women can talk to them, but what men don't realize is, that it is not the same. Men seem like they really don't listen unless it has to do with an interesting topic to them, like sports or hunting. Men feel that women should always want to listen to them, whether or not bothers or is interests to them. The way men try to suppress women often shows up in meetings, especially if their ideas conflict. The men automatically try to discredit the females or try to over do them by talking up or ridiculing them. For society to start changing this we really need to go back to the way we raise our children. If we did not put up with explaining boys as "just being boys" we would not have as many men standing up against women. To change this way of thought we could either treat them like we do girls or just let all youngsters get away with certain tantrums. What our society needs to do is start treating everyone as equals and keeping our gender bias's out of societies.
More today then ever we are having females enter the "man's" world by occupation changes. Women are entering every job area so no longer can men dominate it all. Even though in our changing world, if a man's and a woman's common interest collide, he will still try to discredit her. I have always wondered why our society is so double standard when it comes to comparing the genders. It is "cool" or "awesome" for men to go out and get what they want but women are often looked down upon for the same actions. Often men are considered "cool" for sleeping around but the women are considered "easy." These double standards will always make the male to come out on top and be in control. Spender discussed how men will always come up with new and improved ways to keep women down, only to better themselves in the long run. Many men have been programmed so that they have a very difficult time, when and if, they may have a female that is superior to them in the job market. They will try to find ways of going over the heads of the females, only to get the same order from a man. Why? Once again we have to bring that back to our double standards of upbringing. Not many males are expected to learn the proper ways of cleaning or house duties but many females are expected to be universal in all areas.
In today's world, I think it is time women took a hold of the world and shook it. It is now acceptable for women to be in the "man" work force such as doctors, lawyers, and CEO's. So women should take the chance and run with it. More today than ever men are staying home and helping with the child raising and house duties then ever. What women need to show men is that they just want the same respect and acceptance that men have. Women want the right to get together and "bullshit" and not get looked down upon or even more the same job opportunities.
Spender states that there is no guarantee women talk will continue, she even goes as far as saying probably not, so I have to disagree with her. I disagree, because women are being at least acknowledged in places where they never have been before. Especially with women being over fifty percent of the population they can fight and stand their ground. If men are insecure about themselves and their dominance, maybe as women we need to show them that we don't just speak to other females to bring them down, but more as a support group. Women groups are there for females who need a little confidance booster and to let them know that they are not alone.
Another thing that can be considered as helping the female gender to get ahead, maybe the fact that there are more and more single parent homes. It could be that men do not have as strong of hold over the male youth as before because they are not as involved in their lives. With these single mothers, boys are learning that just because it is a female that they still have to listen. So in the future they will have more respect for women and accept the equalness more readily.
As a society we need to change our views and beliefs, as well as getting rid of the double standards. When men see women talking, they should no longer say that they are chatting, nagging, whining, or gossiping, but just the fact that they are talking. Then as the female gender, they could equally except them as men are. We as humans need to realize not everyone is perfect and can do and say the appropraite things all the time. We can hope one day we will have a politically correct world but we need to realistically realize that it will never happen. Someone, somewhere, will always feel threatened or suppressed, so they will fight back only to suppress another. It is an angry cycle that can only be worked on to fix. It is perfect world of harmony and peace, that we can all try to acheive, but the only thing we can do is try.
by Amy Sprague
Dale Spender spends a great deal of time arguing why men feel threatened by women talk, and what men have done to discourage females from speaking. Unfortunately women have been negatively affected by the fear that males have.
One way that men have tried to curb their fear of women talk is through intimidation. Men have significantly altered who and when women speak. Men fear that if women get together without the presence of men then they would compare notes on the injustices suffered at the expense of males. Men feel that if too many women feel this way it will significantly affect their patriarchal order.
Men have also used intimidation to keep women "in their place." Men do this by speaking single-sex talk. Single-sex talk among males is extremely effective because of the different styles of communication between the genders. Males tend to be more competitive and enjoy dominating the conversation. Women however, enjoy long intervals of listening and taking turns when speaking. By using this technique, men make women feel inferior.
Spender argues that women do not need to feel intimidated. Rather, women should create their own single-sex talk by changing the norms of male talk. This can be accomplished by becoming more involved with topics of discussion and making conversations seem less competitive. It might also benefit women to make men better listeners, becasue women will be helping relieve male fear of women talk, and improve the effect that women have on language.
Not surprisingly, there has been little research done on women talk. This is why it is so important to determine whether or not males are the right models for talk. Research claims that in order for communication to be effective there must be a sender and a receiver. Research also concludes that listening is a very effective communication tool, and women are better at listening then males. Since women are better listeners, Spender concludes that women should be the model for talk.
Men fear a female model of language because it threatens their dominance and social order. If women are found to be better listeners then it would show a strength in women and a weakness in males. The results of listening research might also affect sexual differentiation which leads to changes which men are not willing to accept, because those changes will threaten the patriarchal society and the relationships between the sexes.
In order for listening to become the primary interest in communication studies, women need to participate more. In order to do this women need to publicly challenge the male model of language. It is also important for women to discredit talking as a major key of communication and stress the importance of listening. If women succeed with these steps then maybe females can share with men that they fear women talk for all the wrong reasons.
The purpose of each of these arguments is to question the validity
of men's fear toward women talk. Men are afraid of women talk
because it threatens the male patriarchal society. Feminists
believe it is not fear of women talk that is the issue, but the
reason behind that fear. That is why Spender and other feminists
are sharing their knowledge concerning the changing roles in society,
and the impact it is having on humanity.
© Amy Sprague & Teresa Kingsley, Winona (MN) State University, 30 January 1997. This document may be freely distributed for educational use as long as this notice of its authorship accompanies its distribution.
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